The Awareness Event: a longed-for meeting of minds, usually dreamed up by a committee of do-gooders, that invariably leaves us all none the wiser. Picture by Dreamstime.com
The Awareness Event: a longed-for meeting of minds, usually dreamed up by a committee of do-gooders, that invariably leaves us all none the wiser. Picture by Dreamstime.com
You might not be aware of this, but somewhere on Earth, every day of the year is an Awareness Day. Often there are entire Awareness weeks, and it’s getting harder and harder to get some sleep, or find a spare day in the calendar to reserve for your own pet issue that everyone else should be made aware of. On July 31, it’s Orgasm Awareness Day, so all you blokes who’ve been house-trained to think it only happens at Christmas or on your birthday might like to make a diary note of this bonus day, and have a quiet word with the other half. Unfortunately, it’s much too late this year to remind her about Let’s Talk About Sex Awareness Week and Condom Awareness Week (May) – and tragically, we’ve also just missed Badger Awareness Week (June).

However, a word of caution. Too much concentrated awareness on these (hopefully) frantic weeks, and a reckless oversight of Contraceptive Awareness Week last February, could result in you becoming all-too-aware of Parental Alienation Awareness Day, next April. And that could result in your awareness of Self-Injury Day (every March 1) .

Those who lack an interest in sex and prefer TV or over-eating will, on the other hand, enjoy Potato Day in January, and if you’ve really lost your sense of direction, don’t forget Celebrate Your Name Week in March. Otherwise, it’s Missing Persons’ Month for you, in May.

One of the least popular events in the awareness calendar has to be Work Your Proper Hours Day in February, mostly because a large number of people either cannot or will not observe it, or may be unaware of it. Many prefer Sleep-in Day, in October. If working takes your mind off being aware and the dole queue looms, there’s always Panic Day in June.

In New Zealand, every year, there’s a Schizophrenia Awareness Week and a Schizophrenia Fellowship week – but perhaps they should each last two weeks, for all those other people (and we are not one or either of them). In the same month, there is a Victims Awareness Week, which seems to have made no impression at all on perpetrators, as did the failed World Day of Justice back in February. In March, it’s Walk to Work Day, which is not such good timing because it coincides with Brain Awareness Week. This is the optimum time for a Drive to Work Awareness Week because, for the other 51 weeks, many Kiwi motorists seem to be completely unaware of their brains.

Rather than worry about Coeliac Awareness Week, you’d be better off Googling right this minute, because you might already have caught it and the next awareness day for it doesn’t happen until next May, by which time you could be coeliac, colonic, comatose – or fully aware of the after-life.

For most of us, last May 31 would have been the ideal day to get some fresh air, because it was World No-Tobacco Day, and every smoker on Earth stopped for 24 hours, didn’t they? That would have given us time to clear our heads and think about Infant Gastric Awareness Week (May 31 to June 6).

Worried? You should be, because it gets worse: from June 1 to 9, we’re expected to think hard about Rape Awareness Week, followed by days and weeks devoted to making us aware of brain injury, autism, men’s health and refugees and countless other issues of which we are unaware, or wary.

Already uptight, or still feeling upright? Drink gallons of milk because, come September, there is World Osteoporosis Day when you might contemplate a short future as a toothless and boneless lump of jelly. This awareness month also features Continence Awareness Week, which ought to be renamed but will not concern those who foolishly ignored Osteoporosis Awareness Week during their formative years. Plus, there will be Gamble Free Day: either this means nobody should buy a Lotto ticket, or the organisers will give them away.

There are also loads of oxymoronically termed awareness days, including the Alzheimers Forget Me Not Week and the International Day of Families – as if families could ever be international…

Despite the overcrowded year of awareness events, there are always more causes crying out to claim a claw in your consciousness, and we have some ideas, too. How about Substance Abuse Unawareness Day, or Migrant Overstayers Awareness Day, or – for depressed movie buffs who can’t spare a whole 24 hours – Dog Day Awareness Afternoon?

Do please send us your suggestions for new awareness days. The best one so far is the Awareness Awareness Day – just so we don’t forget to be aware of the rest.