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The Peter Principle (1968, Dr Laurence J Peter and Raymond Hull) states that in any hierarchy, people tend to rise to their level of incompetence, and that the real work is accomplished by those who have not yet reached that sub-level. One of the most preposterous suggestions this year takes the theory a stage further and it comes from someone who has otherwise given every impression of being a highly intelligent academic.

Maori Party co-leader and Minister of Maori Affairs Dr Pita Sharples says that, in view of the dreadful educational record of young Maori, they should be allowed into university without any formal qualifications. Given that 37 percent of Maori boys leave school with not even a level-one NCEA result, they’re obviously at a major disadvantage. But that doesn’t mean they’ve been unfairly treated. At a stretch, it might just indicate that they are either terminally lazy or the schools system, “enhanced” and “immersed” for Maori at such vast cost, simply does not suit them.

The bold new Pita Principle seems to be based on the Wananga, a concept rejected by Labour, introduced by National, and then embraced by Labour, whose leaders threw money at it and then virtually ignored it until serious sleaze arose. It’s the tertiary education system for secondary school leavers who’ve failed. Apart from the occasional embarrassment involving nepotism and dodgy finances, the Wananga has probably made some difference to young Maori’s prospects, although the jury’s still out on that one.

But letting semi-literate and half-numerate kids into mainstream university purely on the basis of ethnicity is not only ludicrous. It’s downright racist.

Look at it from the white supremacist point of view. If you’re Pakeha (or Chinese or Asian for that matter), where’s the point in studying hard at high school and getting the grades that get you into varsity, when your brown classmate can goof off for years and still get a place? Will these ill-equipped newcomers slow down lecturers and students, while they at last get to grips with Janet and John and the seven times table?

And what would be the damage to the credibility of our degrees? From an international perspective, it would probably be quite serious.

Opening up universities to people who have already failed after more than a decade of primary and secondary education also opens up a whole new can of worms.

Know nothing about biology? Can’t read or write? No worries! You can play doctors and nurses, and learn on the job – or make it up as you go along. Of course, with all those human guinea pigs, you’ll need to take just a teensy little bit of care with that scalpel and make sure you don’t get caught in a random drugs test.

Know nothing about physics, or adding up? It’s a breeze because, under the Pita Principle, absolutely anyone can be an electrician. Do bear in mind, though, the risks of house fires and self-electrocution.

Colour-blind or grossly obese? Why not become an airline pilot and see the world? With a brain by-pass, you can avoid the medical exam. We all know that the only qualification needed under the Pita Principle is to have the same number of take-offs as landings in your log-book. If in doubt, ask the auto-pilot.

Always remember that money isn’t everything. Wag off school – after all, you’re only young once, so now is the time to waste it. And don’t worry about a roof over your head, if your skin is brown. If the Pita Principle of Something for Nothing gains traction, you’ll be able to walk on to somebody’s freehold property, claim it as your ancestral heritage and live happily ever after, mortgage-free.

Is Pita Sharples seriously proposing a world where ignorance is bliss, unreadable paperwork is banished and it’s foolish to be wise? Perhaps everyone should have free entry, regardless of race. We could have a new “virtual” degree, the BA (Bachelor for Attending). I spy a profitable growth market in lobotomies.

Or you could just pretend to be a thick Irish Maori, and change your name to Sean O’Brains.

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