Shares in BHP Billiton are one of the safest bets on the planet. And the prospects can only improve, as BHP (the world’s third largest mining company) bids to take over Rio Tinto, the world’s largest miner.

Together, they would form an impregnable gold mine for investors who know that resources are likely to rocket in value.

Another person who knows this is Mr David Tweed, an Australian who is believed to be the brains behind a company called Colonial Capital Corporation Limited, which says it is based at 135 Albert Street, Auckland.

This company is currently mailing New Zealand shareholders in BHP Billiton, offering NZ$72.00 a share. Given the current market price of around A$42, it looks like a miracle opportunity (although experts believe they’ll shortly be worth more like A$55) and there could be a few older and perhaps slightly confused investors who might be tempted to accept Mr Tweed and his triple C-rated offer.

Unless they look into this deal just a little bit deeper.

CCC is offering $72 a share, but you get paid in 18 annual instalments of NZ$4.00 a share!

That’s an incredibly bad proposition.

But it gets worse.

The offer document, which is – we are advised by a top financial consultant – perfectly legal and above board, is full of advice about consulting your financial adviser. It also warns that the offer, exclusive to New Zealand shareholders, “complies with New Zealand law but may not comply if it was made, or received in a country other than New Zealand.”

In other words, it’s unlawful elsewhere, and for good reasons.

If Tweed tried this game in Europe, for example, he might well face a lengthy jail term.

But for investors and for CCC, New Zealand’s financial landscape is equivalent to the lawless 18th Century American Wild West. Almost anything goes – including CCC’s offer to royally rip you off.

You’d have to be mad to accept it. Not only do you wait at least 18 years for a full payout (by which time your BHP shares could be worth a king’s ransom and the $4 final payment worth a pittance), you sign a power of attorney that gives CCC total freedom to take any dividends due to you before the “record” or closing date for applications, as well as unlimited power to vary the terms of the pay-back. So you might get fully paid in 50 years or perhaps 100, if Tweed and Co run short of dosh.

They might as well send you a suicide pill as a bonus gift.

In Europe, the courts are filled with litigants suing so-called rogue brokers and financial advisers for anything from simple tort to churning, kickbacks and excessive commissions on share deals. The European Community was built on protectionism, and it’s reached the stage where over-protectionism is stifling market forces and strangling business competition.

But at least they’ve made a shaky start on saving stupid consumers from their own blind greed.

Down here, it’s open season on the gullible, and the thickheads who have falsely claimed to govern our country during the last eight years have shown no aptitude or inclination to clamp down on scams like this one from the vultures at CCC.

It’s not the first time the trick has been tried by CCC, which Telecom says does not even have a telephone number for its Auckland office.

The cowboy outfit mounted a similar scam on AXA Asia Pacific and AMP shareholders in New Zealand. Fortunately, thanks to some rapid warnings to investors, the attempts failed.

The only piece of good advice in the two-page, cheaply-presented offer from CCC is this:

“Please consult your financial or professional adviser.”

The second piece of advice comes from Grumpy old Geezers:

“Please wipe your bottom with the offer paper, and flush it down the loo. Then wash your hands, take a fresh piece of paper and write a letter to your local Member of Parliament, demanding that, once and for all, the likes of CCC be declared outlaws in New Zealand.”