There’s an olde English ale called Greene King. It’s still brewed and enjoyed in the UK.

But the nearest we’ll come to a Green King is Charles III, Defender of the Faith and Protector of the Albatross.

There’s another ancient British beer called Theakston’s Old Peculiar, rarely seen in New Zealand, but always welcome.

What we do have is the old peculiar debate about republicanism, which has reared its one-eyed head again.

It only takes something as mundane and forgettable as the centenary of Dominion Day to start all those pseudo-intellectuals and xenophobes nattering and waffling again and, ours being a peculiarly free country, the airwaves and newspaper columns are wide open to them.

Amongst all the angst and downright irrelevant diatribes, none of these so-called constitutional experts appears to have noticed that we’re doing quite nicely as we are.

We don’t have a crazy or stupid president such as George Bush or Robert Mugabe or any of those South American and Eastern European fruitcakes. We don’t have Vlad the Impaler Putin, or a mad King George III ruling by Divine Right either, so there’s no risk of an invasion such as that which created the USA. And do we really want to be like the French, who slaughtered their monarchs and have suffered corruption at the top ever since The Reign of Terror?

What we do have is a link to 1000 years of history and a benign and fabulously rich lady who rarely visits, costs us nothing and probably wishes us well. She (and the UK) usually do us no harm, and gave up interfering in our affairs decades ago. The French and Americans, in particular, are green with envy that Britain has a Royal Family that provides stability because it is part of (and makes) history, but has no political clout.

They only have tawdry opportunists who last a few years before the sleaze catches up.

From day to day, 99.9 percent of New Zealanders get on with their lives, with barely a thought about a presidential republic. The Lord knows, we have quite enough problems coping with MMP, directionless government, Single Transferable Votes - and a country that ranks bottom in the top 20 nations for quality of life.

When it comes to the monarchy, we ain’t broke, they don’t bother us, so why fix it? Turning this country into a republic would make no good difference to anyone’s everyday existence.

We are at the very end of the earth, which makes retaining links with what represents much of our history, heritage and culture rather important – even if it’s only symbolic as far as Her Majesty is concerned.

We also need links with the Old Country’s talent – which was why creating a Supreme Court with access to a limited pool of wisdom in New Zealand was a monumental error. We threw away our closest connection with the greatest body of expertise in English law, which is what we operate on. Tragic mistakes may lie ahead.

Anyone who believes that Britain is now part of Europe had better consult the English. Most of them dislike and distrust Johnny Foreigner, wistfully preferring their old Commonwealth partners any day, if another World War came down to the wire. The Brits like their Royal heritage. It earns far more from tourists than the extended Royal Family costs UK taxpayers.

The DominionPost reckons that when the Queen departs and Charles takes over would be a good time to sever the ties. That paper couldn’t be more wrong: tree-hugger and environmentalist Charles may appear slightly odd to some, but he’s the nearest thing to a common-or-garden human being that the Royal Family has spawned in a thousand years, and he’s on the Greens’ side!

The horrific republican alternatives include President Helen Clark, President Sam Hunt (has potential), President Jonathan Hunt (two presidents for the price of one) or (pass the party pills, please) President Winston Peters.

This country – or more precisely, its leadership – is not old enough for republicanism. When politicians stop behaving like small children, perhaps ordinary grown-up New Zealanders might want to revisit the subject, if they’re not too busy.